YOUR GOING TO JAIL MOMMY

so this morning after a 2 hour meltdown, Jason has decided he is going to call the cops on me and i'm going to jail.  For what you ask..because I will not let him play on my tablet.so after several attempts to call grammy then pa then nana and daddy and sissy he has now resorted to calling the cops and send me to jail. so I will be sitting here waiting patiently for the cops to come while he is calling them on a phone that does not work. Where I live the cops have a spot right up the road where they sit to catch speeders, well you can see if they are sitting there from my front porch. He has even gone out on the porch to see if he can see the cops so they can come get me. He has even threatened to tell ho ho so he can bring me cold (coal).I guess I am in big trouble.He has also threatened to take my money and go buy his own tablet (at cumberland farms)which by the way for those of you who don't know is a gas station, I was also assaulted with a dish towel.
at least now things are calmed down he is now fixing the dinner table and the broken phone because he couldnt call the cops but assured me that when its fixed he will be calling them still
baby is still laughing
layla is fixing the table with jason
and I guess you all better look for my mug shot on the evening news

WARNING: HIDE YOUR BEER!! WE HAVE BEER BITING DEER ON THE LOOSE

Jason has this deer head hanging on the wall in his room, you plug t in and it sings and talks.So this morning he gets up and gets dressed and asked where daddy was . Daddy went hunting , so he puts on his camo sweatshirt , grabs a "beer" out of the fridge and proceeds to tell me he is going to kill the deer in his room and when i asked him why he say pointing to his "beer" deer bit my beer. I said the deer bit your beer? yeah deer bit my beer me kill deer. he walks up the stairs pretending to shoot the deer while screaming deer i shoot you you bit my beer...MOMMY!!!! deer at aunt cole's house ..me go to aunt cole's house shoot deer...deer bit my beer...me try wham deer...ME SHOOT DEER .....ME WHAM DEER...this kid is definitely something..well it should make dad happy that he's ready to shoot deer...however he is 3 and when he gets older if he acts anything like he does now i'm not too sure I want him to have a gun..lol but at least that deer who bit his beer has been taken care of .you know we can't have deer just going around biting beers..that's alcohol abuse.
baby is still laughing
at least layla isn't getting killed
and when your hunting if a deer bites your beer...
shoot that motherf**ker

HOLY TITS BIGFOOT

I finally had to put the parental block on youtube. Jason at some point I really don't know how but had found these videos about bigfoot or so I thought.well the other day he was sitting on the couch watching bigfoot video when all of a sudden I hear him yell "HOLY TITS".omg my head whipped around so fast and i said do not say that again what are you watching? He says bigfoot ..bigfoot said holy tits ..omg jason stop saying that..He then says to me bigfoot take shit ..I'm like what let me see that now!!.so I get the phone and it is a video of a man in a bigfoot suit and yes he is literally taking a shit in the woods omg parental block!!! At this point I have pissed him off and he puts up his fist and says in his caveman voice ..you want hum dis (you want some of this) me beat you up..me punch you. me want holy tits bigfoot..I can't take this kid some days I really just want to laugh at him. so needless to say holy tits bigfoot is blocked ...and this morning he was watching videos of kids getting shots at the doctor smh ...and I can hear him saying oh no don't cry ..oh shot hehehe ...oh good job baby..he really is something else.I can see many calls from the school in the future.
baby is still laughing
my niece is riding layla like a horse
and as for me...more coffee is needed!!

CAN YOU SAY CAVEMAN?........IN RUSSIAN

My 3 yo who can't even speak english has decided this morning he will learn to speak russian....yes that's correct....russian. For the last hour he has been watching you tube videos on how to speak russian. On one hand I appreciate the fact he is interested in different languages. On the other hand ...I can't even understand half of the things he says in english. So when he approached me this morning and said me learn brushin I was like what? you don't even have any hair and plus it is not that difficult to brush your hair. He was like no mommy me talk brushin....Jason I still don't know what you are saying. Then Julia yells from the living room RUSSIAN!!! MOMMY HE'S...LEARNING...TO ...SPEAK...RUSSIAN..(like I need her to talking to me like I'm dumb )..Me : WHAT!!! WHY ? he can't even speak english. Julia then says GREAT!! now we really won't know what he's saying..exactly what I was thinking. But he is and he is walking around saying what I think is hello in russian ...I had to google it because I wasn't sure kinda sounds like a swear word which wouldn't surprise me in any way..So now we have a russian caveman...damn you you tube.Well he's not getting into anything or throwing a fit that's a plus. scratch that..disgruntled sister is not so happy about the situation. JASON!! we live in corinth...you know where that is? its in new york and we speak english in corinth..smh lol not saying we live in america I said do you know where russia is julia ..Yeah its by california...lol if you say so...it's gonna be a long day.. (sigh)
baby is still laughing
layla is learning russian too
and if this continues I may have to invest in Rosetta stone

IS THAT A BOOGER IN YOUR BEARD?...YOU BETTER BRUSH THAT

Getting the kids ready for school today, Julia and I were in the bathroom brushing her hair and she noticed beard hair in the sink.She says did chris shave his beard? no he didn't shave his beard he just trimmed it.She then is silent for a minute, then she asks well why did he trim his beard? Did he have beard boogers?Me : what? She says beard boogers...you know you get nose boogers men get beard boogers.Me (laughing) no Julia he doesn't get beard boogers. Then Robbie who is standing in the door way says Julia that's just crazy I don't get beard boogers. She looks at him and says well how would you know you don't have a beard.He says well I will one day and I won't have beard boogers.Julia then says maybe he should try brushing his beard then he would't get beard boogers. Does pa get beard boogers? I don't know julia I will ask him. Now here comes jason (who has a chocolate covered doughnut)proceeds to lick his doughnut and rub it all over his face and say me have beard me man. Julia very angry says to him you don't have a beard it's just chocolate doughnut. He then shouts ME HAVE BEARD!!!!! HO HO HO!! ME.. HO HO!! BABY ME HAVE BEARD!!! I still don't understand why he feels the need to tell baby everything and in the loudest voice possible.So for the next 20 mins he has a beard and he is ho ho. So I take the kids out to the bus and come back inside and he is laying on the floor on his back and layla is licking the beard off his face. I definitely feel as though I live in mental ward sometimes.
baby is still laughing
layla had a beard for breakfast
thank god I don't have a beard

PIE IS EVIL

I really dont know what I was thinking today.My friend is having a get together at her house tonight and she brought me some apples to possibly do something with.so I do a little something with the apples and I have some left over stuff and I got this bright idea I'll make a pie.first let me start by saying I don't make pie ,never attempted to make pie but I bake cakes , I roll fondant,I should be able to do this no big deal......its been 4 hours since I started and have yet to complete the pie.why you ask ...well i am having problems with my pie crust for dummy's recipe yes that is the name of the recipe ...pie crust for dummy's ....lets just say I have not yet made it to dummy status..I have no clue if this dough is right, I can't get it to roll, I have used a ton of flour I followed the directions I have no clue what I'm doing wrong...but I am pretty sure I now know where jason gets his swear words from,I have covered my counter in flour ,I've had to stand on a chair to try and roll this dough..I guess pie is not my forte..but jason keeps telling calm down you ok mommy...lol love that kid .
So I have been saved thanks to jasons aunt hell who is a pie wiz and the only thing i have managed to make is the filling oh and I made the dough but needless to say, pie is the root of all evil and I have absolutely no interest in making a pie ever again. This is my first and last.I will stick to cakes and regular food.
And a special thanks to all my wonderful friends who were laughing at me..One day you will put out a cry for help and I will be sitting in front of my computer laughing at you!!!!
baby is still laughing as always
layla is laughing too
and several batches of pie crust for dummy's went into the garbage
SCREW IT how about a piece of pie

THERE ARE NO BAGELS IN CHEESECAKE!! WHY DON'T YOU GET THIS

jason gets his iphone out today and asks for what do fuck (uptown funk)so I get youtube up and we are listening and dancing around when I start to sing ...Julia says to me omg mommy don't do that I'm like what? she says sing it really sounds like someone is pinching you...Thanks julia...well I just thought you should know so you don't do that in front of people you might get embarrassed.
earlier I went to the store and picked up a few things and I got myself some cinnamon mentos,so I get back and I open up my mentos and jasons says me want some so I give him one and big sister says they're hot he says oh no me don't want one.so a bit later I get them out again and he asks for one again so I give it to him ,he puts it in his mouth and immediately spits it out ,then goes to the bathroom and washes it off I guess thinking that will help ...nope I hear him scream from the bathroom me don't want this yuck!!next thing I know he's taking the box out of my hand and he throws it in the garbage I'm like dude what are you doing? me put in garbage too hot for you mommy. no they aren't too hot for me jason I was eating those ...no mommy no more they are bad ...ok me give you one no jason give me the whole box I will be fine ......... 20 min meltdown about me getting burned from mentos.
Then I decide that I am going to make a cheesecake...Julia apparently is disgusted by the idea of cheesecake because she was like mommy why are you making a cake with cheese in it ..because its good and I want to I won't make you eat any of it so no need to worry. But mommy I just don't get it is there really cheese in there or is it fake cheese? no julia cream cheese omg like what you put on bagels? Yes... oh god your making a bagel cake ...lmao no Julia I am making a cheese cake I can't explain it just know its good and you don't have to eat it ....ok good because I don't want to eat a bagel cake. (this is where I just slap my forehead and give the face of why can't you just get this what's wrong with you)ok julia you don't have to eat the bagel cake ...cheese cake is all ready to go in the oven she says so where did you put the bagels?....... really? THERE ARE NO BAGELS IN CHEESE CAKE!!! ok mommy....then from living room...YEAH HISSY NO BAFFLES IN THE OVEN!!!!.....completely off the subject dude ...oh horry .....NO BAFFLES IN CAKE HISSY...much better dude thanks...welcome...BABY!!! NO BAFFLES IN CAKE BABY!!!.....sigh .....thank god that's over or is it I still have to take this thing out of the oven which may possibly provoke more questioning about bagels
baby is still laughing
who knows what laylas up to
and I'll be here for the next 2 hours explaining that there are no bagles in cheesecake