WHAT'S FOR DINNER YOU ASK......SOME NICE WARM MOUSE GUTS....ENJOY!!

I had to laugh at last nights conversation between the two 6 yos. Dad was outside fixing big sisters jeep so I sat the 2 older ones down for dinner jason was sleeping so I was just putting around the kitchen cleaning up a bit when they start talking about school.
julia: aiden wants me to ask you why you are mad at him
robbie: because he broke connors toy on purpose
julia: it wasnt on purpose it was an accident
robbie: no it wasn't julia connor told me
julia: well aiden told me it was an accident
robbie: well it wasn't and I believe connor
julia: well I believe aiden and now i'm mad at you because you believe connor
robbie: well i'm mad at you because you believe aiden
julia: aiden is my friend
robbie: connor is my friend
julia: whatever robert
robbie: whatever julia
SILENCE.....
I cant believe this is happening already they are only in first grade lol
well after a few minutes of silence the conversation turns awful morbid and frankly quite disgusting.
Julia out of no where says to robbie I'm eating dead mouse guts ...omg julia i'm gonna puke robbie says..This is when I say julia that's disgusting..what mommy you have never eaten dead mouse guts? NO!! and I dont think I ever will ..well I might ...omg your going to be a serial killer aren't you? I just know it..out of all my children I figured if there was going to be some kind of looney it would be jason ...nope its going to be miss no it all julia...great!! smart and deadly ...another black widow in the making ...well anyway so she says with a laugh no mommy I dont even like cereal...then robbies says yes you do you like cinnamon toast crunch..oh yeah I like cinnamon toast crunch...smh I can't even this girl is just too much...so now we are back to the dead mouse guts now and she is taking her spaghetti and let it dangle out of her mouth looking at robbie saying mmmm dead mouse guts warm dead mouse guts.now robert is in full on gag mode and I have to save him lol...so I said julia that's enough your being disgusting eat your dinner.
for all of you who don't know julia is far from a disgusting child she is OCD and not often very loud or doing crazy things..she is the child that sometimes your forget about because she hardly ever talks so for her to come out with the whole dead mouse guts is completely out of character..or maybe not lol you never know....

baby is still laughing
layla is cleaning up the leftover dead mouse guts
tarzan is asleep...so we are all safe from harm for the next 12 hours
and I can definitely promise you no mice were gutted and eaten

SOMEBODY SHOULD DEFINITELY WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP!!

For anyone who was wondering my day started off with a bang this morning..and by bang I mean I was screamed at and repeatedly hit with an empty box of freihofer's chocolate chip cookies. Let me take you to this place...imagine two children getting ready for school who need to have a snack, I say how about you guys take some cookies. So after everyone agrees on cookies i bag up 5 for each kid,at this point jason has noticed that there is now only 2 cookies left which apparently makes him so angry he then throws the 2 cookies on the ground.Now cue the clean up crew a.k.a. layla!!! who proceeds to eat said 2 cookies,which in turn throws jason into meltdown mode complete with coughing and choking and yes he starts hitting me with the empty box. let's fast forward 15 mins later after tantrum is done and he is calmed down so I think because he was sitting quietly watching law and order(his fav show) when out of no where he gets up and grabs his chainsaw chasing layla saying you eat my cookies you motherfucker.he puts down the chainsaw and gets the empty box and begins to hit her. Now he is in time out again...
So kids are off to school,babies arrive,parents are gone,toys are now everywhere,it is time to get caveman dressed.this now becomes another meltdown situation since he wants to wear a muscle shirt in 40 degree weather and this is where I have find out he has learned to put some news words together.....jesus christ motherfucker you suck. "dude are you serious right now?!!!" dead ass he says oh I am so proud. I guess he has better hearing than I thought.my 19 yo daughter is the one who told me that the motherfucker is my fault I really didnt think I said it that much but I guess I was wrong, shame on me I guess I will have to watch that from now on.oh and did I mention he now "smokes"so now he is walking around with a crayon "smoking" and swearing this is just perfect.(sigh)
Oh and there is a baby royal rumble happening in my living room as we speak, my niece has decided she is the boss and controls the toys and the other two babies can only have what she gives them ....she is 1 yo ....watch out mom!!!
jason is gone for the day so no smoking and swearing going on now
baby is still laughing
riley is poking juniors eyes out
and layla is sleeping
and I my friends have lost my mind in the first 2 hours of the day

And the word of the day is..........motherf**ker

OMG!!! jason has learned a new word....motherf**cker...SMH I can't even take it. so we all know how this goes when a child learns a new word everything is that..baby is a motherf**ker , the dog , the fridge , his toys , the wood stove and the list goes on so now I am telling him don't say that jason that's a bad word he looks at me and says no mommy good word motherf**ker. this is so going to be a long day.so now to top it all off after I have learned of his new word he has want and don't want confused..mommy me don't want eggs ...me ok then..5 mins later me don't want eggs ...ok I heard you the first time...5 mins later me dont want eggs motherf**ker ...excuse me jason!!! ME DONT WANT EGGS!!!! do you want me to make you eggs? yes ....me don't want eggs. ugh somebody shoot me now lol...thank god now he's "going to work"..so I ask him to pick up the toys to which he turns and looks at the baby and says pick up toys baby motherf**ker. I really want to laugh but parenting kicks in and I have to yell stop saying that..sometimes it is so hard being a parent. if I had my own reality show people would think it was scripted.
baby is still laughing
layla is a motherf**ker
and jason is armed with a hammer
let's think positive thoughts

EAT YOUR TOOLS , GET STRONG

I'm in the bathroom trying to pee when the door fly's open and 3 yo says to me "my baby eat tools" "my baby get strong" me: um ok ...now shut the door!!!! so I come out  of the bathroom and peyton is standing in front of the couch and jason says see mommy baby stand , baby get strong, eat your tools baby and tries to give her a hammer which she takes and hits him with.I always wonder what goes on in these kids brains. I also wonder does he really think that eating tools makes you strong? Am I going to find him tomorrow eating actual tools or maybe some nails? Who knows i suppose its always a possibility with him.
So boys went outside and I decided it would be a good time to sweep and mop the floors. Yesterday I had bought a new mop this one is just a cheapo but I got it because it has a scrubber on it and lord knows with dogs and kids I definitely need a scrubber. But anyway I get the floor swept and start mopping and julia says to me wow that mop makes the floor look thinner. This is where if i were a comic strip my little thought bubble pops up and I'm thinking WTF!!lol. SO I continue mopping and she is watching me and she says I can see you doing good things with this mop its a winner. Thought bubble...no I just cant help myself and say you can see me doing good things with this mop like what? helping the homeless? rescuing a cat from a tree?world peace? I'm really not quite sure what your going for here..she says laughing at me no I meant it cleans the floor good. ok well maybe you should have just said that cause I was a little confused about what good things I was supposed to do with this mop. So floor is dry and boys come back in and julia is showing off my new mop (btw $7 at the dollar store) and they are all looking it over like I just bought a ferrari and are complimenting me on my new mop like it just saved the day...Super mop !!! " our floors are gonna get super clean with that thing"
sometimes I just shake my head in amazement
now we are back to bumps on a log the excitement of the new mop has come and gone
baby is still lauging
layla is outside barking at rocks
and as of this moment no toys have been injured
so eat your tools,get strong and make sure your mop can do good things...

SHOWER TIME !!!! wash your hair ,wash your body and don't forget to wash your bones

Today's story is an old story mixed with a new story,one that has had me laughing many times.
Last year out of no where julia had asked me if she had bones under her skin and I told her yes its called a skeleton.She of course asked me what a skeleton was , so I googled skeletons for her to show her what your bones looked like.So we are scrolling through the pictures and we come across a picture of a skeleton that was being dug up from the ground all covered in dirt.She says to me in a very serious manner "mommy that persons bones are all dirty" I reply with yes those people are digging it up from the ground. She is sitting next to me with a very concerned look on her face and I ask her whats the matter. Her reply was priceless."Well all I'm saying is if my skin is off like that and my bones get dirty I will take a shower before I put my skin back on because I do not want dirty bones under my skin that would be so gross"At this point I have no words other than hey its always important to be clean inside and out.
Now that brings us to this mornings discussion. Robbie (the other 6yo) is having a bit off a cough and says to julia I need to go to the doctor cause I can't stop coughing. Out of no where julia says to him maybe your bones are dirty thats why your sick. He says to her yeah I guess maybe, I was doing a lot of running around yesterday I could have breathed in dirt and it stuck to my bones.She then says well you know you will have to take your skin off to wash them. He says how do you do that. She says I don't know probably mommy will help you.Then I said NO I am not helping you take off your skin your bones are fine, I ask robbie did you take your skin off outside yesterday? "no" I said then your bones are fine no need to wash them your good.
Now I have two very concerned 6 yo about the cleanliness of their bones.Then out of no where I have a 3 yo who says me got dirty bones me take bath. At this point I'm just like no one has dirty bones,I will not be taking anyone's skin off everybody just relax, besides you don't get a cough from dirty bones you get a cough because its going to be cold season soon.
two 6yo look at me "ok"in a very happy tone.
They have been in school for an hour and I am still arguing with tarzan who is dead set on washing his bones.....thank you julia!!!

For the love of god...somebody call an interpreter

 As you all know 3yo child talks like tarzan and for the most part i can decipher what he is saying however this morning I was having a bit of trouble. He comes out to the kitchen while i'm doing dishes and says "rum gone" I'm like what? Rum? what are you a pirate,this whole drinking thing really needs to stop first beer now rum?He says no mommy rum ...yeah I heard you we don't have any rum and if we did you can pretty much bet you wouldn't be getting any. For the next 20 mins he is dead set that we had rum or have rum....well finally i get annoyed and open the fridge to get my niece a cup and he points and say SEE MOMMY RUM!!!.....and grabs a bottle of ginger ale out of the fridge.....oh of course cause i definitely put 2 and 2 together..(sigh) I also think he just called my niece a creeper but again not too sure and I think baby wants pee pods? I do know that I personally am a butthead that was definitely clear.
Some of things he can't say are one of a kind. For instance he has an aunt hell and yes he calls her that to her face , Baby's name is pee pee (it's actually peyton) and for some odd reason he thinks his name is bob or boy depends on the day but he answers to jason its just if you ask him what his name is he says either bob or boy and he definitely has no clue what his sisters names are...they are just sissy and other sissy. Then I babysit riley which he say fine and jr. who he calls werner..Sometimes its very confusing .For the record today his name is boy.
Now that we have addressed the caveman issue let's move onto the 6yo s  I have one thats screams everything he says and the other needs to carry around a microphone so we can understand anything she says. This morning it took almost a half an hour to get her to talk loud enough to hear one sentence. So this morning consisted of "lower your voice there's no need to shout" "julia you need to talk louder I can't hear a word your saying" and last but not least "I have no idea what your saying"
Sometimes it's hard to believe I still have hair.
baby is still laughing
and no dogs or furbies have been injured yet today...it's still early

Stay tuned... when we return another 50 minute meltdown brought to you... by one disgruntled sister

My 3 yo is by far the funniest child I have. Some of the things he does and says really just blow my mind. Yesterday was a day filled with many crazy moments and of course meltdowns.
So after we got over the toenail incident it was time to pick up 6 yo sister (julia) from a sleepover birthday party.We get to their aunts house pick up a disgruntled sister then since we were in the area we head to hannaford to pick up some "baby crap" as jason calls it well at least I think that's what he's calling it who knows..just baby formula anyway anyone who has shopped at hannaford with children knows they have the karts with the red and yellows cars attached, well that is spotted right away by jason so we have to have this huge kart for like 4 items what ever I really don't care but disgruntled sister was like "really jason !! your so embarrassing ,mommy can't we just leave him in the truck." I said sure thanks for wanting me to go to jail,she then says if you park way back there no one will see him..yeah that's a perfect idea...no!!we are not going to leave him in the truck. so we head in to get our items and he is driving the crap outta this car making the whole thing fly sideways i almost hit several people and displays.we get to the vegetable section to get a cucumber and there is a man standing there and of course in his loudest voice he shouts watch out man me run you over!! to which disgruntled sister rolls her eyes and says why do we have to take him places...so we finish our shopping and head to self checkout. as I am checking out he proceeds to get out of his car turn the kart sideways and lay on the floor under the car like hes fixing it ,stands up and says to the lady next to us who is taking pictures of him and says lady don't worry me fix wheel broken, gets back under and continues to "fix" while im paying.i'm done he gets back in and we are leaving ,he is driving and letting everyone know very loud that he has fixed the car all the way out of the store and into the parking lot. as we are driving home he is letting disgruntled sister know every 2 mins he fixed the car.finally out of anger for the whole situation she  decides to tell him he didnt fix anything and that he never fixes anything cause he is a big dummy and she never wants to go anywhere with him again because he is the worst brother ever....big mistake...so for the next hour is another meltdown over fixing the car
baby is still laughing
laya has been "cut up" yet again
and there was another brutal attack on the furby with a chuck taylor