Sunday, September 27, 2015


I'm in the bathroom trying to pee when the door fly's open and 3 yo says to me "my baby eat tools" "my baby get strong" me: um ok shut the door!!!! so I come out  of the bathroom and peyton is standing in front of the couch and jason says see mommy baby stand , baby get strong, eat your tools baby and tries to give her a hammer which she takes and hits him with.I always wonder what goes on in these kids brains. I also wonder does he really think that eating tools makes you strong? Am I going to find him tomorrow eating actual tools or maybe some nails? Who knows i suppose its always a possibility with him.
So boys went outside and I decided it would be a good time to sweep and mop the floors. Yesterday I had bought a new mop this one is just a cheapo but I got it because it has a scrubber on it and lord knows with dogs and kids I definitely need a scrubber. But anyway I get the floor swept and start mopping and julia says to me wow that mop makes the floor look thinner. This is where if i were a comic strip my little thought bubble pops up and I'm thinking WTF!!lol. SO I continue mopping and she is watching me and she says I can see you doing good things with this mop its a winner. Thought I just cant help myself and say you can see me doing good things with this mop like what? helping the homeless? rescuing a cat from a tree?world peace? I'm really not quite sure what your going for here..she says laughing at me no I meant it cleans the floor good. ok well maybe you should have just said that cause I was a little confused about what good things I was supposed to do with this mop. So floor is dry and boys come back in and julia is showing off my new mop (btw $7 at the dollar store) and they are all looking it over like I just bought a ferrari and are complimenting me on my new mop like it just saved the day...Super mop !!! " our floors are gonna get super clean with that thing"
sometimes I just shake my head in amazement
now we are back to bumps on a log the excitement of the new mop has come and gone
baby is still lauging
layla is outside barking at rocks
and as of this moment no toys have been injured
so eat your tools,get strong and make sure your mop can do good things...

Friday, September 25, 2015

SHOWER TIME !!!! wash your hair ,wash your body and don't forget to wash your bones

Today's story is an old story mixed with a new story,one that has had me laughing many times.
Last year out of no where julia had asked me if she had bones under her skin and I told her yes its called a skeleton.She of course asked me what a skeleton was , so I googled skeletons for her to show her what your bones looked like.So we are scrolling through the pictures and we come across a picture of a skeleton that was being dug up from the ground all covered in dirt.She says to me in a very serious manner "mommy that persons bones are all dirty" I reply with yes those people are digging it up from the ground. She is sitting next to me with a very concerned look on her face and I ask her whats the matter. Her reply was priceless."Well all I'm saying is if my skin is off like that and my bones get dirty I will take a shower before I put my skin back on because I do not want dirty bones under my skin that would be so gross"At this point I have no words other than hey its always important to be clean inside and out.
Now that brings us to this mornings discussion. Robbie (the other 6yo) is having a bit off a cough and says to julia I need to go to the doctor cause I can't stop coughing. Out of no where julia says to him maybe your bones are dirty thats why your sick. He says to her yeah I guess maybe, I was doing a lot of running around yesterday I could have breathed in dirt and it stuck to my bones.She then says well you know you will have to take your skin off to wash them. He says how do you do that. She says I don't know probably mommy will help you.Then I said NO I am not helping you take off your skin your bones are fine, I ask robbie did you take your skin off outside yesterday? "no" I said then your bones are fine no need to wash them your good.
Now I have two very concerned 6 yo about the cleanliness of their bones.Then out of no where I have a 3 yo who says me got dirty bones me take bath. At this point I'm just like no one has dirty bones,I will not be taking anyone's skin off everybody just relax, besides you don't get a cough from dirty bones you get a cough because its going to be cold season soon.
two 6yo look at me "ok"in a very happy tone.
They have been in school for an hour and I am still arguing with tarzan who is dead set on washing his bones.....thank you julia!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

For the love of god...somebody call an interpreter

 As you all know 3yo child talks like tarzan and for the most part i can decipher what he is saying however this morning I was having a bit of trouble. He comes out to the kitchen while i'm doing dishes and says "rum gone" I'm like what? Rum? what are you a pirate,this whole drinking thing really needs to stop first beer now rum?He says no mommy rum ...yeah I heard you we don't have any rum and if we did you can pretty much bet you wouldn't be getting any. For the next 20 mins he is dead set that we had rum or have rum....well finally i get annoyed and open the fridge to get my niece a cup and he points and say SEE MOMMY RUM!!!.....and grabs a bottle of ginger ale out of the fridge.....oh of course cause i definitely put 2 and 2 together..(sigh) I also think he just called my niece a creeper but again not too sure and I think baby wants pee pods? I do know that I personally am a butthead that was definitely clear.
Some of things he can't say are one of a kind. For instance he has an aunt hell and yes he calls her that to her face , Baby's name is pee pee (it's actually peyton) and for some odd reason he thinks his name is bob or boy depends on the day but he answers to jason its just if you ask him what his name is he says either bob or boy and he definitely has no clue what his sisters names are...they are just sissy and other sissy. Then I babysit riley which he say fine and jr. who he calls werner..Sometimes its very confusing .For the record today his name is boy.
Now that we have addressed the caveman issue let's move onto the 6yo s  I have one thats screams everything he says and the other needs to carry around a microphone so we can understand anything she says. This morning it took almost a half an hour to get her to talk loud enough to hear one sentence. So this morning consisted of "lower your voice there's no need to shout" "julia you need to talk louder I can't hear a word your saying" and last but not least "I have no idea what your saying"
Sometimes it's hard to believe I still have hair.
baby is still laughing
and no dogs or furbies have been injured yet's still early

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Stay tuned... when we return another 50 minute meltdown brought to you... by one disgruntled sister

My 3 yo is by far the funniest child I have. Some of the things he does and says really just blow my mind. Yesterday was a day filled with many crazy moments and of course meltdowns.
So after we got over the toenail incident it was time to pick up 6 yo sister (julia) from a sleepover birthday party.We get to their aunts house pick up a disgruntled sister then since we were in the area we head to hannaford to pick up some "baby crap" as jason calls it well at least I think that's what he's calling it who knows..just baby formula anyway anyone who has shopped at hannaford with children knows they have the karts with the red and yellows cars attached, well that is spotted right away by jason so we have to have this huge kart for like 4 items what ever I really don't care but disgruntled sister was like "really jason !! your so embarrassing ,mommy can't we just leave him in the truck." I said sure thanks for wanting me to go to jail,she then says if you park way back there no one will see him..yeah that's a perfect!!we are not going to leave him in the truck. so we head in to get our items and he is driving the crap outta this car making the whole thing fly sideways i almost hit several people and displays.we get to the vegetable section to get a cucumber and there is a man standing there and of course in his loudest voice he shouts watch out man me run you over!! to which disgruntled sister rolls her eyes and says why do we have to take him we finish our shopping and head to self checkout. as I am checking out he proceeds to get out of his car turn the kart sideways and lay on the floor under the car like hes fixing it ,stands up and says to the lady next to us who is taking pictures of him and says lady don't worry me fix wheel broken, gets back under and continues to "fix" while im paying.i'm done he gets back in and we are leaving ,he is driving and letting everyone know very loud that he has fixed the car all the way out of the store and into the parking lot. as we are driving home he is letting disgruntled sister know every 2 mins he fixed the car.finally out of anger for the whole situation she  decides to tell him he didnt fix anything and that he never fixes anything cause he is a big dummy and she never wants to go anywhere with him again because he is the worst brother ever....big for the next hour is another meltdown over fixing the car
baby is still laughing
laya has been "cut up" yet again
and there was another brutal attack on the furby with a chuck taylor

Saturday, September 19, 2015

A moment of silence please to remember Jason's dearly departed toenail

Apparently someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning to say the least...we have all had these days. This morning while getting Jason dressed (3 yo) I notice we have a peeling toenail so I get the clippers and clip the toenail..At this point toenail flies in the air across the floor and I didn't reach it in time before the dog ate it..This has sent jason into a 45 min meltdown..Every two mins through the crying i hear laya ate my toenail,me sad mommy I'm like dude it was a toenail "me love toenail". All of a sudden things turn violent...(dun dun dun) he gets out his chainsaw and is now "cutting up layla" and since this is not a real chainsaw after cutting up laya and screaming give me back my toenail, he notices baby laughing at him. Now stuff is about to get real he then proceeds to yell at baby for laughing at him and informing her layla has eaten his toenail. Then he says mommy me mad me flip baby who is sitting in her bouncy seat. Whoa that is not necessary baby did not eat your toenail DO NOT FLIP BABY!!!...Now we are on part 2 of meltdown where the snot and drool start to flow...(sigh)
Baby is still laughing
Layla has been "cut up"
and as we speak there has been a brutal attack on a harmless furby with a play hammer
A moment of silence please

Friday, September 18, 2015

"Real Fact" #791 the average person takes 23,000 breaths a day

"Real Fact" #792 moms gonna whoop your ass if you don't stop the wwe pay per view in my living room, vaulting over baby and assaulting the dogs. At which point 3 yo child runs over and punches me in the vagina screaming mama me fight!!! How about you have a beer and calm yourself ,put some hair on your chest."me don't want beer" me have boobs !! how did boobs get brought into the subject? BABY!!! (talking to 9mo baby) BABY!!! me have boobs......awesome. now the baby is laughing at him "baby want a beer" BABY!!! you drink beer..No baby doesn't want beer and baby already has boobs she is laughing at you because you talk like tarzan.
two 6yo.....are supposed to wear yellow to school today to show support for cancer awareness
one child is wearing yellow other is not...where is your yellow shirt i have yellow on my shirt.where??hold on let me get my glasses cause i can't see where you have yellow on your shirt..right there ok well an old spaghetti sauce stain is not the equivalent to wearing yellow go put on the shirt I picked out..why?? cause its god damn cancer awareness day and you will show your support with more than a shirt with a yellow stain on it!!!
ok dont have to yell..That's what like at least 900 breaths? I'm definitely going over the 23,000 breath limit today. all before 7:30 am can't wait to see what the rest of the day brings..

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Let's have a beer!!

ok so this little bit I had to share. My 3 yo son has decided he drinks beer. I dont know where he gets this from since we don't drink but alas he needs to have his "beer" which is literally anything ffrom lipton sparkling tea to Worcestershire sauce. lol let me explain todays incident .....
He goes into the fridge and comes back with a bottle of franks red hot and says in his caveman voice "mama me beer" to which I respond mmhmm ,why don't you open that beer and take a drink and tell me how that tastes i've been looking for a new beer. So what does he do as I watch in amazement that this person came from my body as he takes a swig of franks red hot at 8am this morning...well i can tell you this the look on his face was priceless and i was crying as he swallows and says " good put back ok mommy" at this point I am at a loss for words as he goes into the bathroom and spits in the toilet.upon exiting the bathroom I then ask good beer huh? "yeah save for later" ok you do this aweful am I a bad parent who cares it was funny and i promise no 3 yo was hurt during this event...maybe he wont end up an alcoholic lol

all hail dinner rolls

SO!!!! that the kiddies are off to school and my other kids i babysit for are here and eating I have a few mins.Question of the day you and your husband/significant other ever have an argument about something so ridiculous that when it is over your like well that was about the stupidest thing we ever argued about. Yeah well you ready for this one ..a dinner roll yes my friend s we had an argument about dinner rolls.
ok so here is the story ....husband was outside doing whatever husbands do outside an i was making dinner.well dinner had been cooking in the crockpot all ask whats for dinner as they see me making some dinner rolls , I say beef stew, I get the eww we dont want beef stew, ok well then you are not getting dinner rolls i am only making those for people who are going to eat beef stew....ok they said ..well dad finally comes in the house and gets his dinner in which he grabs said dinner rolls and all of a sudden cause dad is eating we all need to have a dinner roll to which I respond no ...then folks all hell breaks loose..husband says you cant deny them food a shocked and angered look comes across my face I answer in the nicest way possible for me ....want to make a bet i can.. i explain loudly how said children were told if they did not eat said beef stew they were not getting said dinner rolls .. I thought this was perfectly legit in my eyes but husband person thinks im wrong...any thoughts parents?
and btw the children had chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and a fruit cup for their dinner so i dont think the lack of a dinner roll sent them into starvation mode...but just so you know how the story ends children got a dinner roll and husband refused to eat his food...I welcome all opinions on this matter
now its off to bake 50 cupcakes and two smash cakes Happy Parenting !!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The truth in pajama pants

so for all of those who are reading that are not poor I don't choose to be a stay at home mom i'm here because i can't afford to work. Yes you heard that correctly i can not afford to work!! I have four children two 6 yo 1 3 yo and a 9 month old. With the price of day care i would really only be working for free. So you ask what is my plan well here goes i babysit and i make cake neither which are very profitable. I am 38 years old with a college degree and a resume most people would kill for and yet here I am at home on my computer writing a blog. Now that you have heard all that mumbo jumbo I'll give you a look at my day.

6:oo am wake up !!! yay..stumble downstairs for some coffee while i wait for my husband to take 20mins to wake up..i am sometimes mopping the floor by the time he gets down stairs because we have 2 dogs and one likes to pee on our floor so before i wake any children up i'm on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor and i have other peoples children coming and frankly i just have in the long line of tasks is to wake up children this by far is the worse job i have to do all day . Because then its fights what to wear for school how warm how cold blah blah blah w.e. wear a bathing suit and a winter least that's what i feel like telling them sometimes.then comes making lunches ..lets face it this isn't tv and i don't make them ahead of time im too busy cleaning up everyone's crap at the end of the day then for about 5 mins my day is awesome kids get on the bus its quiet literally for 5 mins then my other kids start to arrive then for the next 8 hours its changing diapers and we all know everybody has to poop at the same time
ok ill speed it up the kids come home from school theres homework then playing outside then pick up of other kids then dinner then showers then bed.....for the kids then now i have to clean do dishes laundry sweep and mop floors again to get ready for the next day and i do this 7 days a week except for school obviously. And sometimes if i'm lucky i get to throw cake making in there too like tomorrow i have to babysit 3 babies and make 2 cakes and 50 cupcakes that look like bears. all while my husband gets to spend the day at work i'm so jealous.Finally it is bedtime for me maybe around 10 if im lucky.I quite often see my friends post on facebook having some wine ..who gets time for wine not this girl i'm lucky if i get to smoke some cigarettes..oh god yes i smoke and i dont care i smoke outside so criticize all you want ..thats how i keep my sanity because kids dogs husband.most of the time i live in pajamas with my hair up looking like who knows what.A shower during the day is what i dream of and wearing jeans for longer than a 5 min trip to the store.
im curious if anyone else lives like this.well at the end of the day my house is spotless kids are fed homework is done and everybody has clean clothes..oh did i mention dinner is always homecooked no boxed crap here and im pretty proud of that
so you ask whats on the menu tonight ..well im glad you asked we will be having chicken marsala over pasta with broccoli and a side of cheese for the kids hey and if you want a kid friendly version of that just ask i will be glad to college degree is a bachelors of culinary arts so thats the beginning.tomorrow we will talk about something a little more interesting