Friday, November 6, 2015


so this morning after a 2 hour meltdown, Jason has decided he is going to call the cops on me and i'm going to jail.  For what you ask..because I will not let him play on my after several attempts to call grammy then pa then nana and daddy and sissy he has now resorted to calling the cops and send me to jail. so I will be sitting here waiting patiently for the cops to come while he is calling them on a phone that does not work. Where I live the cops have a spot right up the road where they sit to catch speeders, well you can see if they are sitting there from my front porch. He has even gone out on the porch to see if he can see the cops so they can come get me. He has even threatened to tell ho ho so he can bring me cold (coal).I guess I am in big trouble.He has also threatened to take my money and go buy his own tablet (at cumberland farms)which by the way for those of you who don't know is a gas station, I was also assaulted with a dish towel.
at least now things are calmed down he is now fixing the dinner table and the broken phone because he couldnt call the cops but assured me that when its fixed he will be calling them still
baby is still laughing
layla is fixing the table with jason
and I guess you all better look for my mug shot on the evening news

Saturday, October 24, 2015


Jason has this deer head hanging on the wall in his room, you plug t in and it sings and talks.So this morning he gets up and gets dressed and asked where daddy was . Daddy went hunting , so he puts on his camo sweatshirt , grabs a "beer" out of the fridge and proceeds to tell me he is going to kill the deer in his room and when i asked him why he say pointing to his "beer" deer bit my beer. I said the deer bit your beer? yeah deer bit my beer me kill deer. he walks up the stairs pretending to shoot the deer while screaming deer i shoot you you bit my beer...MOMMY!!!! deer at aunt cole's house go to aunt cole's house shoot deer...deer bit my try wham deer...ME SHOOT DEER .....ME WHAM DEER...this kid is definitely something..well it should make dad happy that he's ready to shoot deer...however he is 3 and when he gets older if he acts anything like he does now i'm not too sure I want him to have a but at least that deer who bit his beer has been taken care of .you know we can't have deer just going around biting beers..that's alcohol abuse.
baby is still laughing
at least layla isn't getting killed
and when your hunting if a deer bites your beer...
shoot that motherf**ker

Friday, October 23, 2015


I finally had to put the parental block on youtube. Jason at some point I really don't know how but had found these videos about bigfoot or so I thought.well the other day he was sitting on the couch watching bigfoot video when all of a sudden I hear him yell "HOLY TITS".omg my head whipped around so fast and i said do not say that again what are you watching? He says bigfoot ..bigfoot said holy tits ..omg jason stop saying that..He then says to me bigfoot take shit ..I'm like what let me see that now!!.so I get the phone and it is a video of a man in a bigfoot suit and yes he is literally taking a shit in the woods omg parental block!!! At this point I have pissed him off and he puts up his fist and says in his caveman voice want hum dis (you want some of this) me beat you punch you. me want holy tits bigfoot..I can't take this kid some days I really just want to laugh at him. so needless to say holy tits bigfoot is blocked ...and this morning he was watching videos of kids getting shots at the doctor smh ...and I can hear him saying oh no don't cry ..oh shot hehehe ...oh good job baby..he really is something else.I can see many calls from the school in the future.
baby is still laughing
my niece is riding layla like a horse
and as for me...more coffee is needed!!

Saturday, October 17, 2015


My 3 yo who can't even speak english has decided this morning he will learn to speak russian....yes that's correct....russian. For the last hour he has been watching you tube videos on how to speak russian. On one hand I appreciate the fact he is interested in different languages. On the other hand ...I can't even understand half of the things he says in english. So when he approached me this morning and said me learn brushin I was like what? you don't even have any hair and plus it is not that difficult to brush your hair. He was like no mommy me talk brushin....Jason I still don't know what you are saying. Then Julia yells from the living room RUSSIAN!!! MOMMY HE'S...LEARNING...TO ...SPEAK...RUSSIAN..(like I need her to talking to me like I'm dumb )..Me : WHAT!!! WHY ? he can't even speak english. Julia then says GREAT!! now we really won't know what he's saying..exactly what I was thinking. But he is and he is walking around saying what I think is hello in russian ...I had to google it because I wasn't sure kinda sounds like a swear word which wouldn't surprise me in any way..So now we have a russian caveman...damn you you tube.Well he's not getting into anything or throwing a fit that's a plus. scratch that..disgruntled sister is not so happy about the situation. JASON!! we live in know where that is? its in new york and we speak english in corinth..smh lol not saying we live in america I said do you know where russia is julia ..Yeah its by if you say's gonna be a long day.. (sigh)
baby is still laughing
layla is learning russian too
and if this continues I may have to invest in Rosetta stone

Thursday, October 15, 2015


Getting the kids ready for school today, Julia and I were in the bathroom brushing her hair and she noticed beard hair in the sink.She says did chris shave his beard? no he didn't shave his beard he just trimmed it.She then is silent for a minute, then she asks well why did he trim his beard? Did he have beard boogers?Me : what? She says beard know you get nose boogers men get beard boogers.Me (laughing) no Julia he doesn't get beard boogers. Then Robbie who is standing in the door way says Julia that's just crazy I don't get beard boogers. She looks at him and says well how would you know you don't have a beard.He says well I will one day and I won't have beard boogers.Julia then says maybe he should try brushing his beard then he would't get beard boogers. Does pa get beard boogers? I don't know julia I will ask him. Now here comes jason (who has a chocolate covered doughnut)proceeds to lick his doughnut and rub it all over his face and say me have beard me man. Julia very angry says to him you don't have a beard it's just chocolate doughnut. He then shouts ME HAVE BEARD!!!!! HO HO HO!! ME.. HO HO!! BABY ME HAVE BEARD!!! I still don't understand why he feels the need to tell baby everything and in the loudest voice possible.So for the next 20 mins he has a beard and he is ho ho. So I take the kids out to the bus and come back inside and he is laying on the floor on his back and layla is licking the beard off his face. I definitely feel as though I live in mental ward sometimes.
baby is still laughing
layla had a beard for breakfast
thank god I don't have a beard

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


I really dont know what I was thinking today.My friend is having a get together at her house tonight and she brought me some apples to possibly do something I do a little something with the apples and I have some left over stuff and I got this bright idea I'll make a pie.first let me start by saying I don't make pie ,never attempted to make pie but I bake cakes , I roll fondant,I should be able to do this no big deal......its been 4 hours since I started and have yet to complete the pie.why you ask ...well i am having problems with my pie crust for dummy's recipe yes that is the name of the recipe ...pie crust for dummy's ....lets just say I have not yet made it to dummy status..I have no clue if this dough is right, I can't get it to roll, I have used a ton of flour I followed the directions I have no clue what I'm doing wrong...but I am pretty sure I now know where jason gets his swear words from,I have covered my counter in flour ,I've had to stand on a chair to try and roll this dough..I guess pie is not my forte..but jason keeps telling calm down you ok love that kid .
So I have been saved thanks to jasons aunt hell who is a pie wiz and the only thing i have managed to make is the filling oh and I made the dough but needless to say, pie is the root of all evil and I have absolutely no interest in making a pie ever again. This is my first and last.I will stick to cakes and regular food.
And a special thanks to all my wonderful friends who were laughing at me..One day you will put out a cry for help and I will be sitting in front of my computer laughing at you!!!!
baby is still laughing as always
layla is laughing too
and several batches of pie crust for dummy's went into the garbage
SCREW IT how about a piece of pie

Monday, October 12, 2015


jason gets his iphone out today and asks for what do fuck (uptown funk)so I get youtube up and we are listening and dancing around when I start to sing ...Julia says to me omg mommy don't do that I'm like what? she says sing it really sounds like someone is pinching you...Thanks julia...well I just thought you should know so you don't do that in front of people you might get embarrassed.
earlier I went to the store and picked up a few things and I got myself some cinnamon mentos,so I get back and I open up my mentos and jasons says me want some so I give him one and big sister says they're hot he says oh no me don't want a bit later I get them out again and he asks for one again so I give it to him ,he puts it in his mouth and immediately spits it out ,then goes to the bathroom and washes it off I guess thinking that will help ...nope I hear him scream from the bathroom me don't want this yuck!!next thing I know he's taking the box out of my hand and he throws it in the garbage I'm like dude what are you doing? me put in garbage too hot for you mommy. no they aren't too hot for me jason I was eating those mommy no more they are bad ...ok me give you one no jason give me the whole box I will be fine ......... 20 min meltdown about me getting burned from mentos.
Then I decide that I am going to make a cheesecake...Julia apparently is disgusted by the idea of cheesecake because she was like mommy why are you making a cake with cheese in it ..because its good and I want to I won't make you eat any of it so no need to worry. But mommy I just don't get it is there really cheese in there or is it fake cheese? no julia cream cheese omg like what you put on bagels? Yes... oh god your making a bagel cake ...lmao no Julia I am making a cheese cake I can't explain it just know its good and you don't have to eat it ....ok good because I don't want to eat a bagel cake. (this is where I just slap my forehead and give the face of why can't you just get this what's wrong with you)ok julia you don't have to eat the bagel cake ...cheese cake is all ready to go in the oven she says so where did you put the bagels?....... really? THERE ARE NO BAGELS IN CHEESE CAKE!!! ok mommy....then from living room...YEAH HISSY NO BAFFLES IN THE OVEN!!!!.....completely off the subject dude ...oh horry .....NO BAFFLES IN CAKE HISSY...much better dude thanks...welcome...BABY!!! NO BAFFLES IN CAKE BABY!!!.....sigh .....thank god that's over or is it I still have to take this thing out of the oven which may possibly provoke more questioning about bagels
baby is still laughing
who knows what laylas up to
and I'll be here for the next 2 hours explaining that there are no bagles in cheesecake

Thursday, October 8, 2015


I had to laugh at last nights conversation between the two 6 yos. Dad was outside fixing big sisters jeep so I sat the 2 older ones down for dinner jason was sleeping so I was just putting around the kitchen cleaning up a bit when they start talking about school.
julia: aiden wants me to ask you why you are mad at him
robbie: because he broke connors toy on purpose
julia: it wasnt on purpose it was an accident
robbie: no it wasn't julia connor told me
julia: well aiden told me it was an accident
robbie: well it wasn't and I believe connor
julia: well I believe aiden and now i'm mad at you because you believe connor
robbie: well i'm mad at you because you believe aiden
julia: aiden is my friend
robbie: connor is my friend
julia: whatever robert
robbie: whatever julia
I cant believe this is happening already they are only in first grade lol
well after a few minutes of silence the conversation turns awful morbid and frankly quite disgusting.
Julia out of no where says to robbie I'm eating dead mouse guts ...omg julia i'm gonna puke robbie says..This is when I say julia that's disgusting..what mommy you have never eaten dead mouse guts? NO!! and I dont think I ever will ..well I might ...omg your going to be a serial killer aren't you? I just know it..out of all my children I figured if there was going to be some kind of looney it would be jason ...nope its going to be miss no it all julia...great!! smart and deadly ...another black widow in the making ...well anyway so she says with a laugh no mommy I dont even like cereal...then robbies says yes you do you like cinnamon toast crunch..oh yeah I like cinnamon toast crunch...smh I can't even this girl is just too now we are back to the dead mouse guts now and she is taking her spaghetti and let it dangle out of her mouth looking at robbie saying mmmm dead mouse guts warm dead mouse robert is in full on gag mode and I have to save him I said julia that's enough your being disgusting eat your dinner.
for all of you who don't know julia is far from a disgusting child she is OCD and not often very loud or doing crazy things..she is the child that sometimes your forget about because she hardly ever talks so for her to come out with the whole dead mouse guts is completely out of character..or maybe not lol you never know....

baby is still laughing
layla is cleaning up the leftover dead mouse guts
tarzan is we are all safe from harm for the next 12 hours
and I can definitely promise you no mice were gutted and eaten

Wednesday, October 7, 2015


For anyone who was wondering my day started off with a bang this morning..and by bang I mean I was screamed at and repeatedly hit with an empty box of freihofer's chocolate chip cookies. Let me take you to this place...imagine two children getting ready for school who need to have a snack, I say how about you guys take some cookies. So after everyone agrees on cookies i bag up 5 for each kid,at this point jason has noticed that there is now only 2 cookies left which apparently makes him so angry he then throws the 2 cookies on the ground.Now cue the clean up crew a.k.a. layla!!! who proceeds to eat said 2 cookies,which in turn throws jason into meltdown mode complete with coughing and choking and yes he starts hitting me with the empty box. let's fast forward 15 mins later after tantrum is done and he is calmed down so I think because he was sitting quietly watching law and order(his fav show) when out of no where he gets up and grabs his chainsaw chasing layla saying you eat my cookies you motherfucker.he puts down the chainsaw and gets the empty box and begins to hit her. Now he is in time out again...
So kids are off to school,babies arrive,parents are gone,toys are now everywhere,it is time to get caveman dressed.this now becomes another meltdown situation since he wants to wear a muscle shirt in 40 degree weather and this is where I have find out he has learned to put some news words together.....jesus christ motherfucker you suck. "dude are you serious right now?!!!" dead ass he says oh I am so proud. I guess he has better hearing than I 19 yo daughter is the one who told me that the motherfucker is my fault I really didnt think I said it that much but I guess I was wrong, shame on me I guess I will have to watch that from now on.oh and did I mention he now "smokes"so now he is walking around with a crayon "smoking" and swearing this is just perfect.(sigh)
Oh and there is a baby royal rumble happening in my living room as we speak, my niece has decided she is the boss and controls the toys and the other two babies can only have what she gives them ....she is 1 yo out mom!!!
jason is gone for the day so no smoking and swearing going on now
baby is still laughing
riley is poking juniors eyes out
and layla is sleeping
and I my friends have lost my mind in the first 2 hours of the day

Saturday, October 3, 2015

And the word of the day is..........motherf**ker

OMG!!! jason has learned a new word....motherf**cker...SMH I can't even take it. so we all know how this goes when a child learns a new word everything is is a motherf**ker , the dog , the fridge , his toys , the wood stove and the list goes on so now I am telling him don't say that jason that's a bad word he looks at me and says no mommy good word motherf**ker. this is so going to be a long now to top it all off after I have learned of his new word he has want and don't want confused..mommy me don't want eggs ok then..5 mins later me don't want eggs ...ok I heard you the first time...5 mins later me dont want eggs motherf**ker ...excuse me jason!!! ME DONT WANT EGGS!!!! do you want me to make you eggs? yes don't want eggs. ugh somebody shoot me now lol...thank god now he's "going to work" I ask him to pick up the toys to which he turns and looks at the baby and says pick up toys baby motherf**ker. I really want to laugh but parenting kicks in and I have to yell stop saying that..sometimes it is so hard being a parent. if I had my own reality show people would think it was scripted.
baby is still laughing
layla is a motherf**ker
and jason is armed with a hammer
let's think positive thoughts

Sunday, September 27, 2015


I'm in the bathroom trying to pee when the door fly's open and 3 yo says to me "my baby eat tools" "my baby get strong" me: um ok shut the door!!!! so I come out  of the bathroom and peyton is standing in front of the couch and jason says see mommy baby stand , baby get strong, eat your tools baby and tries to give her a hammer which she takes and hits him with.I always wonder what goes on in these kids brains. I also wonder does he really think that eating tools makes you strong? Am I going to find him tomorrow eating actual tools or maybe some nails? Who knows i suppose its always a possibility with him.
So boys went outside and I decided it would be a good time to sweep and mop the floors. Yesterday I had bought a new mop this one is just a cheapo but I got it because it has a scrubber on it and lord knows with dogs and kids I definitely need a scrubber. But anyway I get the floor swept and start mopping and julia says to me wow that mop makes the floor look thinner. This is where if i were a comic strip my little thought bubble pops up and I'm thinking WTF!!lol. SO I continue mopping and she is watching me and she says I can see you doing good things with this mop its a winner. Thought I just cant help myself and say you can see me doing good things with this mop like what? helping the homeless? rescuing a cat from a tree?world peace? I'm really not quite sure what your going for here..she says laughing at me no I meant it cleans the floor good. ok well maybe you should have just said that cause I was a little confused about what good things I was supposed to do with this mop. So floor is dry and boys come back in and julia is showing off my new mop (btw $7 at the dollar store) and they are all looking it over like I just bought a ferrari and are complimenting me on my new mop like it just saved the day...Super mop !!! " our floors are gonna get super clean with that thing"
sometimes I just shake my head in amazement
now we are back to bumps on a log the excitement of the new mop has come and gone
baby is still lauging
layla is outside barking at rocks
and as of this moment no toys have been injured
so eat your tools,get strong and make sure your mop can do good things...

Friday, September 25, 2015

SHOWER TIME !!!! wash your hair ,wash your body and don't forget to wash your bones

Today's story is an old story mixed with a new story,one that has had me laughing many times.
Last year out of no where julia had asked me if she had bones under her skin and I told her yes its called a skeleton.She of course asked me what a skeleton was , so I googled skeletons for her to show her what your bones looked like.So we are scrolling through the pictures and we come across a picture of a skeleton that was being dug up from the ground all covered in dirt.She says to me in a very serious manner "mommy that persons bones are all dirty" I reply with yes those people are digging it up from the ground. She is sitting next to me with a very concerned look on her face and I ask her whats the matter. Her reply was priceless."Well all I'm saying is if my skin is off like that and my bones get dirty I will take a shower before I put my skin back on because I do not want dirty bones under my skin that would be so gross"At this point I have no words other than hey its always important to be clean inside and out.
Now that brings us to this mornings discussion. Robbie (the other 6yo) is having a bit off a cough and says to julia I need to go to the doctor cause I can't stop coughing. Out of no where julia says to him maybe your bones are dirty thats why your sick. He says to her yeah I guess maybe, I was doing a lot of running around yesterday I could have breathed in dirt and it stuck to my bones.She then says well you know you will have to take your skin off to wash them. He says how do you do that. She says I don't know probably mommy will help you.Then I said NO I am not helping you take off your skin your bones are fine, I ask robbie did you take your skin off outside yesterday? "no" I said then your bones are fine no need to wash them your good.
Now I have two very concerned 6 yo about the cleanliness of their bones.Then out of no where I have a 3 yo who says me got dirty bones me take bath. At this point I'm just like no one has dirty bones,I will not be taking anyone's skin off everybody just relax, besides you don't get a cough from dirty bones you get a cough because its going to be cold season soon.
two 6yo look at me "ok"in a very happy tone.
They have been in school for an hour and I am still arguing with tarzan who is dead set on washing his bones.....thank you julia!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

For the love of god...somebody call an interpreter

 As you all know 3yo child talks like tarzan and for the most part i can decipher what he is saying however this morning I was having a bit of trouble. He comes out to the kitchen while i'm doing dishes and says "rum gone" I'm like what? Rum? what are you a pirate,this whole drinking thing really needs to stop first beer now rum?He says no mommy rum ...yeah I heard you we don't have any rum and if we did you can pretty much bet you wouldn't be getting any. For the next 20 mins he is dead set that we had rum or have rum....well finally i get annoyed and open the fridge to get my niece a cup and he points and say SEE MOMMY RUM!!!.....and grabs a bottle of ginger ale out of the fridge.....oh of course cause i definitely put 2 and 2 together..(sigh) I also think he just called my niece a creeper but again not too sure and I think baby wants pee pods? I do know that I personally am a butthead that was definitely clear.
Some of things he can't say are one of a kind. For instance he has an aunt hell and yes he calls her that to her face , Baby's name is pee pee (it's actually peyton) and for some odd reason he thinks his name is bob or boy depends on the day but he answers to jason its just if you ask him what his name is he says either bob or boy and he definitely has no clue what his sisters names are...they are just sissy and other sissy. Then I babysit riley which he say fine and jr. who he calls werner..Sometimes its very confusing .For the record today his name is boy.
Now that we have addressed the caveman issue let's move onto the 6yo s  I have one thats screams everything he says and the other needs to carry around a microphone so we can understand anything she says. This morning it took almost a half an hour to get her to talk loud enough to hear one sentence. So this morning consisted of "lower your voice there's no need to shout" "julia you need to talk louder I can't hear a word your saying" and last but not least "I have no idea what your saying"
Sometimes it's hard to believe I still have hair.
baby is still laughing
and no dogs or furbies have been injured yet's still early

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Stay tuned... when we return another 50 minute meltdown brought to you... by one disgruntled sister

My 3 yo is by far the funniest child I have. Some of the things he does and says really just blow my mind. Yesterday was a day filled with many crazy moments and of course meltdowns.
So after we got over the toenail incident it was time to pick up 6 yo sister (julia) from a sleepover birthday party.We get to their aunts house pick up a disgruntled sister then since we were in the area we head to hannaford to pick up some "baby crap" as jason calls it well at least I think that's what he's calling it who knows..just baby formula anyway anyone who has shopped at hannaford with children knows they have the karts with the red and yellows cars attached, well that is spotted right away by jason so we have to have this huge kart for like 4 items what ever I really don't care but disgruntled sister was like "really jason !! your so embarrassing ,mommy can't we just leave him in the truck." I said sure thanks for wanting me to go to jail,she then says if you park way back there no one will see him..yeah that's a perfect!!we are not going to leave him in the truck. so we head in to get our items and he is driving the crap outta this car making the whole thing fly sideways i almost hit several people and displays.we get to the vegetable section to get a cucumber and there is a man standing there and of course in his loudest voice he shouts watch out man me run you over!! to which disgruntled sister rolls her eyes and says why do we have to take him we finish our shopping and head to self checkout. as I am checking out he proceeds to get out of his car turn the kart sideways and lay on the floor under the car like hes fixing it ,stands up and says to the lady next to us who is taking pictures of him and says lady don't worry me fix wheel broken, gets back under and continues to "fix" while im paying.i'm done he gets back in and we are leaving ,he is driving and letting everyone know very loud that he has fixed the car all the way out of the store and into the parking lot. as we are driving home he is letting disgruntled sister know every 2 mins he fixed the car.finally out of anger for the whole situation she  decides to tell him he didnt fix anything and that he never fixes anything cause he is a big dummy and she never wants to go anywhere with him again because he is the worst brother ever....big for the next hour is another meltdown over fixing the car
baby is still laughing
laya has been "cut up" yet again
and there was another brutal attack on the furby with a chuck taylor

Saturday, September 19, 2015

A moment of silence please to remember Jason's dearly departed toenail

Apparently someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning to say the least...we have all had these days. This morning while getting Jason dressed (3 yo) I notice we have a peeling toenail so I get the clippers and clip the toenail..At this point toenail flies in the air across the floor and I didn't reach it in time before the dog ate it..This has sent jason into a 45 min meltdown..Every two mins through the crying i hear laya ate my toenail,me sad mommy I'm like dude it was a toenail "me love toenail". All of a sudden things turn violent...(dun dun dun) he gets out his chainsaw and is now "cutting up layla" and since this is not a real chainsaw after cutting up laya and screaming give me back my toenail, he notices baby laughing at him. Now stuff is about to get real he then proceeds to yell at baby for laughing at him and informing her layla has eaten his toenail. Then he says mommy me mad me flip baby who is sitting in her bouncy seat. Whoa that is not necessary baby did not eat your toenail DO NOT FLIP BABY!!!...Now we are on part 2 of meltdown where the snot and drool start to flow...(sigh)
Baby is still laughing
Layla has been "cut up"
and as we speak there has been a brutal attack on a harmless furby with a play hammer
A moment of silence please

Friday, September 18, 2015

"Real Fact" #791 the average person takes 23,000 breaths a day

"Real Fact" #792 moms gonna whoop your ass if you don't stop the wwe pay per view in my living room, vaulting over baby and assaulting the dogs. At which point 3 yo child runs over and punches me in the vagina screaming mama me fight!!! How about you have a beer and calm yourself ,put some hair on your chest."me don't want beer" me have boobs !! how did boobs get brought into the subject? BABY!!! (talking to 9mo baby) BABY!!! me have boobs......awesome. now the baby is laughing at him "baby want a beer" BABY!!! you drink beer..No baby doesn't want beer and baby already has boobs she is laughing at you because you talk like tarzan.
two 6yo.....are supposed to wear yellow to school today to show support for cancer awareness
one child is wearing yellow other is not...where is your yellow shirt i have yellow on my shirt.where??hold on let me get my glasses cause i can't see where you have yellow on your shirt..right there ok well an old spaghetti sauce stain is not the equivalent to wearing yellow go put on the shirt I picked out..why?? cause its god damn cancer awareness day and you will show your support with more than a shirt with a yellow stain on it!!!
ok dont have to yell..That's what like at least 900 breaths? I'm definitely going over the 23,000 breath limit today. all before 7:30 am can't wait to see what the rest of the day brings..

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Let's have a beer!!

ok so this little bit I had to share. My 3 yo son has decided he drinks beer. I dont know where he gets this from since we don't drink but alas he needs to have his "beer" which is literally anything ffrom lipton sparkling tea to Worcestershire sauce. lol let me explain todays incident .....
He goes into the fridge and comes back with a bottle of franks red hot and says in his caveman voice "mama me beer" to which I respond mmhmm ,why don't you open that beer and take a drink and tell me how that tastes i've been looking for a new beer. So what does he do as I watch in amazement that this person came from my body as he takes a swig of franks red hot at 8am this morning...well i can tell you this the look on his face was priceless and i was crying as he swallows and says " good put back ok mommy" at this point I am at a loss for words as he goes into the bathroom and spits in the toilet.upon exiting the bathroom I then ask good beer huh? "yeah save for later" ok you do this aweful am I a bad parent who cares it was funny and i promise no 3 yo was hurt during this event...maybe he wont end up an alcoholic lol

all hail dinner rolls

SO!!!! that the kiddies are off to school and my other kids i babysit for are here and eating I have a few mins.Question of the day you and your husband/significant other ever have an argument about something so ridiculous that when it is over your like well that was about the stupidest thing we ever argued about. Yeah well you ready for this one ..a dinner roll yes my friend s we had an argument about dinner rolls.
ok so here is the story ....husband was outside doing whatever husbands do outside an i was making dinner.well dinner had been cooking in the crockpot all ask whats for dinner as they see me making some dinner rolls , I say beef stew, I get the eww we dont want beef stew, ok well then you are not getting dinner rolls i am only making those for people who are going to eat beef stew....ok they said ..well dad finally comes in the house and gets his dinner in which he grabs said dinner rolls and all of a sudden cause dad is eating we all need to have a dinner roll to which I respond no ...then folks all hell breaks loose..husband says you cant deny them food a shocked and angered look comes across my face I answer in the nicest way possible for me ....want to make a bet i can.. i explain loudly how said children were told if they did not eat said beef stew they were not getting said dinner rolls .. I thought this was perfectly legit in my eyes but husband person thinks im wrong...any thoughts parents?
and btw the children had chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and a fruit cup for their dinner so i dont think the lack of a dinner roll sent them into starvation mode...but just so you know how the story ends children got a dinner roll and husband refused to eat his food...I welcome all opinions on this matter
now its off to bake 50 cupcakes and two smash cakes Happy Parenting !!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The truth in pajama pants

so for all of those who are reading that are not poor I don't choose to be a stay at home mom i'm here because i can't afford to work. Yes you heard that correctly i can not afford to work!! I have four children two 6 yo 1 3 yo and a 9 month old. With the price of day care i would really only be working for free. So you ask what is my plan well here goes i babysit and i make cake neither which are very profitable. I am 38 years old with a college degree and a resume most people would kill for and yet here I am at home on my computer writing a blog. Now that you have heard all that mumbo jumbo I'll give you a look at my day.

6:oo am wake up !!! yay..stumble downstairs for some coffee while i wait for my husband to take 20mins to wake up..i am sometimes mopping the floor by the time he gets down stairs because we have 2 dogs and one likes to pee on our floor so before i wake any children up i'm on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor and i have other peoples children coming and frankly i just have in the long line of tasks is to wake up children this by far is the worse job i have to do all day . Because then its fights what to wear for school how warm how cold blah blah blah w.e. wear a bathing suit and a winter least that's what i feel like telling them sometimes.then comes making lunches ..lets face it this isn't tv and i don't make them ahead of time im too busy cleaning up everyone's crap at the end of the day then for about 5 mins my day is awesome kids get on the bus its quiet literally for 5 mins then my other kids start to arrive then for the next 8 hours its changing diapers and we all know everybody has to poop at the same time
ok ill speed it up the kids come home from school theres homework then playing outside then pick up of other kids then dinner then showers then bed.....for the kids then now i have to clean do dishes laundry sweep and mop floors again to get ready for the next day and i do this 7 days a week except for school obviously. And sometimes if i'm lucky i get to throw cake making in there too like tomorrow i have to babysit 3 babies and make 2 cakes and 50 cupcakes that look like bears. all while my husband gets to spend the day at work i'm so jealous.Finally it is bedtime for me maybe around 10 if im lucky.I quite often see my friends post on facebook having some wine ..who gets time for wine not this girl i'm lucky if i get to smoke some cigarettes..oh god yes i smoke and i dont care i smoke outside so criticize all you want ..thats how i keep my sanity because kids dogs husband.most of the time i live in pajamas with my hair up looking like who knows what.A shower during the day is what i dream of and wearing jeans for longer than a 5 min trip to the store.
im curious if anyone else lives like this.well at the end of the day my house is spotless kids are fed homework is done and everybody has clean clothes..oh did i mention dinner is always homecooked no boxed crap here and im pretty proud of that
so you ask whats on the menu tonight ..well im glad you asked we will be having chicken marsala over pasta with broccoli and a side of cheese for the kids hey and if you want a kid friendly version of that just ask i will be glad to college degree is a bachelors of culinary arts so thats the beginning.tomorrow we will talk about something a little more interesting