WARNING: HIDE YOUR BEER!! WE HAVE BEER BITING DEER ON THE LOOSE

Jason has this deer head hanging on the wall in his room, you plug t in and it sings and talks.So this morning he gets up and gets dressed and asked where daddy was . Daddy went hunting , so he puts on his camo sweatshirt , grabs a "beer" out of the fridge and proceeds to tell me he is going to kill the deer in his room and when i asked him why he say pointing to his "beer" deer bit my beer. I said the deer bit your beer? yeah deer bit my beer me kill deer. he walks up the stairs pretending to shoot the deer while screaming deer i shoot you you bit my beer...MOMMY!!!! deer at aunt cole's house ..me go to aunt cole's house shoot deer...deer bit my beer...me try wham deer...ME SHOOT DEER .....ME WHAM DEER...this kid is definitely something..well it should make dad happy that he's ready to shoot deer...however he is 3 and when he gets older if he acts anything like he does now i'm not too sure I want him to have a gun..lol but at least that deer who bit his beer has been taken care of .you know we can't have deer just going around biting beers..that's alcohol abuse.
baby is still laughing
at least layla isn't getting killed
and when your hunting if a deer bites your beer...
shoot that motherf**ker

HOLY TITS BIGFOOT

I finally had to put the parental block on youtube. Jason at some point I really don't know how but had found these videos about bigfoot or so I thought.well the other day he was sitting on the couch watching bigfoot video when all of a sudden I hear him yell "HOLY TITS".omg my head whipped around so fast and i said do not say that again what are you watching? He says bigfoot ..bigfoot said holy tits ..omg jason stop saying that..He then says to me bigfoot take shit ..I'm like what let me see that now!!.so I get the phone and it is a video of a man in a bigfoot suit and yes he is literally taking a shit in the woods omg parental block!!! At this point I have pissed him off and he puts up his fist and says in his caveman voice ..you want hum dis (you want some of this) me beat you up..me punch you. me want holy tits bigfoot..I can't take this kid some days I really just want to laugh at him. so needless to say holy tits bigfoot is blocked ...and this morning he was watching videos of kids getting shots at the doctor smh ...and I can hear him saying oh no don't cry ..oh shot hehehe ...oh good job baby..he really is something else.I can see many calls from the school in the future.
baby is still laughing
my niece is riding layla like a horse
and as for me...more coffee is needed!!

CAN YOU SAY CAVEMAN?........IN RUSSIAN

My 3 yo who can't even speak english has decided this morning he will learn to speak russian....yes that's correct....russian. For the last hour he has been watching you tube videos on how to speak russian. On one hand I appreciate the fact he is interested in different languages. On the other hand ...I can't even understand half of the things he says in english. So when he approached me this morning and said me learn brushin I was like what? you don't even have any hair and plus it is not that difficult to brush your hair. He was like no mommy me talk brushin....Jason I still don't know what you are saying. Then Julia yells from the living room RUSSIAN!!! MOMMY HE'S...LEARNING...TO ...SPEAK...RUSSIAN..(like I need her to talking to me like I'm dumb )..Me : WHAT!!! WHY ? he can't even speak english. Julia then says GREAT!! now we really won't know what he's saying..exactly what I was thinking. But he is and he is walking around saying what I think is hello in russian ...I had to google it because I wasn't sure kinda sounds like a swear word which wouldn't surprise me in any way..So now we have a russian caveman...damn you you tube.Well he's not getting into anything or throwing a fit that's a plus. scratch that..disgruntled sister is not so happy about the situation. JASON!! we live in corinth...you know where that is? its in new york and we speak english in corinth..smh lol not saying we live in america I said do you know where russia is julia ..Yeah its by california...lol if you say so...it's gonna be a long day.. (sigh)
baby is still laughing
layla is learning russian too
and if this continues I may have to invest in Rosetta stone

IS THAT A BOOGER IN YOUR BEARD?...YOU BETTER BRUSH THAT

Getting the kids ready for school today, Julia and I were in the bathroom brushing her hair and she noticed beard hair in the sink.She says did chris shave his beard? no he didn't shave his beard he just trimmed it.She then is silent for a minute, then she asks well why did he trim his beard? Did he have beard boogers?Me : what? She says beard boogers...you know you get nose boogers men get beard boogers.Me (laughing) no Julia he doesn't get beard boogers. Then Robbie who is standing in the door way says Julia that's just crazy I don't get beard boogers. She looks at him and says well how would you know you don't have a beard.He says well I will one day and I won't have beard boogers.Julia then says maybe he should try brushing his beard then he would't get beard boogers. Does pa get beard boogers? I don't know julia I will ask him. Now here comes jason (who has a chocolate covered doughnut)proceeds to lick his doughnut and rub it all over his face and say me have beard me man. Julia very angry says to him you don't have a beard it's just chocolate doughnut. He then shouts ME HAVE BEARD!!!!! HO HO HO!! ME.. HO HO!! BABY ME HAVE BEARD!!! I still don't understand why he feels the need to tell baby everything and in the loudest voice possible.So for the next 20 mins he has a beard and he is ho ho. So I take the kids out to the bus and come back inside and he is laying on the floor on his back and layla is licking the beard off his face. I definitely feel as though I live in mental ward sometimes.
baby is still laughing
layla had a beard for breakfast
thank god I don't have a beard

PIE IS EVIL

I really dont know what I was thinking today.My friend is having a get together at her house tonight and she brought me some apples to possibly do something with.so I do a little something with the apples and I have some left over stuff and I got this bright idea I'll make a pie.first let me start by saying I don't make pie ,never attempted to make pie but I bake cakes , I roll fondant,I should be able to do this no big deal......its been 4 hours since I started and have yet to complete the pie.why you ask ...well i am having problems with my pie crust for dummy's recipe yes that is the name of the recipe ...pie crust for dummy's ....lets just say I have not yet made it to dummy status..I have no clue if this dough is right, I can't get it to roll, I have used a ton of flour I followed the directions I have no clue what I'm doing wrong...but I am pretty sure I now know where jason gets his swear words from,I have covered my counter in flour ,I've had to stand on a chair to try and roll this dough..I guess pie is not my forte..but jason keeps telling calm down you ok mommy...lol love that kid .
So I have been saved thanks to jasons aunt hell who is a pie wiz and the only thing i have managed to make is the filling oh and I made the dough but needless to say, pie is the root of all evil and I have absolutely no interest in making a pie ever again. This is my first and last.I will stick to cakes and regular food.
And a special thanks to all my wonderful friends who were laughing at me..One day you will put out a cry for help and I will be sitting in front of my computer laughing at you!!!!
baby is still laughing as always
layla is laughing too
and several batches of pie crust for dummy's went into the garbage
SCREW IT how about a piece of pie

THERE ARE NO BAGELS IN CHEESECAKE!! WHY DON'T YOU GET THIS

jason gets his iphone out today and asks for what do fuck (uptown funk)so I get youtube up and we are listening and dancing around when I start to sing ...Julia says to me omg mommy don't do that I'm like what? she says sing it really sounds like someone is pinching you...Thanks julia...well I just thought you should know so you don't do that in front of people you might get embarrassed.
earlier I went to the store and picked up a few things and I got myself some cinnamon mentos,so I get back and I open up my mentos and jasons says me want some so I give him one and big sister says they're hot he says oh no me don't want one.so a bit later I get them out again and he asks for one again so I give it to him ,he puts it in his mouth and immediately spits it out ,then goes to the bathroom and washes it off I guess thinking that will help ...nope I hear him scream from the bathroom me don't want this yuck!!next thing I know he's taking the box out of my hand and he throws it in the garbage I'm like dude what are you doing? me put in garbage too hot for you mommy. no they aren't too hot for me jason I was eating those ...no mommy no more they are bad ...ok me give you one no jason give me the whole box I will be fine ......... 20 min meltdown about me getting burned from mentos.
Then I decide that I am going to make a cheesecake...Julia apparently is disgusted by the idea of cheesecake because she was like mommy why are you making a cake with cheese in it ..because its good and I want to I won't make you eat any of it so no need to worry. But mommy I just don't get it is there really cheese in there or is it fake cheese? no julia cream cheese omg like what you put on bagels? Yes... oh god your making a bagel cake ...lmao no Julia I am making a cheese cake I can't explain it just know its good and you don't have to eat it ....ok good because I don't want to eat a bagel cake. (this is where I just slap my forehead and give the face of why can't you just get this what's wrong with you)ok julia you don't have to eat the bagel cake ...cheese cake is all ready to go in the oven she says so where did you put the bagels?....... really? THERE ARE NO BAGELS IN CHEESE CAKE!!! ok mommy....then from living room...YEAH HISSY NO BAFFLES IN THE OVEN!!!!.....completely off the subject dude ...oh horry .....NO BAFFLES IN CAKE HISSY...much better dude thanks...welcome...BABY!!! NO BAFFLES IN CAKE BABY!!!.....sigh .....thank god that's over or is it I still have to take this thing out of the oven which may possibly provoke more questioning about bagels
baby is still laughing
who knows what laylas up to
and I'll be here for the next 2 hours explaining that there are no bagles in cheesecake

WHAT'S FOR DINNER YOU ASK......SOME NICE WARM MOUSE GUTS....ENJOY!!

I had to laugh at last nights conversation between the two 6 yos. Dad was outside fixing big sisters jeep so I sat the 2 older ones down for dinner jason was sleeping so I was just putting around the kitchen cleaning up a bit when they start talking about school.
julia: aiden wants me to ask you why you are mad at him
robbie: because he broke connors toy on purpose
julia: it wasnt on purpose it was an accident
robbie: no it wasn't julia connor told me
julia: well aiden told me it was an accident
robbie: well it wasn't and I believe connor
julia: well I believe aiden and now i'm mad at you because you believe connor
robbie: well i'm mad at you because you believe aiden
julia: aiden is my friend
robbie: connor is my friend
julia: whatever robert
robbie: whatever julia
SILENCE.....
I cant believe this is happening already they are only in first grade lol
well after a few minutes of silence the conversation turns awful morbid and frankly quite disgusting.
Julia out of no where says to robbie I'm eating dead mouse guts ...omg julia i'm gonna puke robbie says..This is when I say julia that's disgusting..what mommy you have never eaten dead mouse guts? NO!! and I dont think I ever will ..well I might ...omg your going to be a serial killer aren't you? I just know it..out of all my children I figured if there was going to be some kind of looney it would be jason ...nope its going to be miss no it all julia...great!! smart and deadly ...another black widow in the making ...well anyway so she says with a laugh no mommy I dont even like cereal...then robbies says yes you do you like cinnamon toast crunch..oh yeah I like cinnamon toast crunch...smh I can't even this girl is just too much...so now we are back to the dead mouse guts now and she is taking her spaghetti and let it dangle out of her mouth looking at robbie saying mmmm dead mouse guts warm dead mouse guts.now robert is in full on gag mode and I have to save him lol...so I said julia that's enough your being disgusting eat your dinner.
for all of you who don't know julia is far from a disgusting child she is OCD and not often very loud or doing crazy things..she is the child that sometimes your forget about because she hardly ever talks so for her to come out with the whole dead mouse guts is completely out of character..or maybe not lol you never know....

baby is still laughing
layla is cleaning up the leftover dead mouse guts
tarzan is asleep...so we are all safe from harm for the next 12 hours
and I can definitely promise you no mice were gutted and eaten

SOMEBODY SHOULD DEFINITELY WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP!!

For anyone who was wondering my day started off with a bang this morning..and by bang I mean I was screamed at and repeatedly hit with an empty box of freihofer's chocolate chip cookies. Let me take you to this place...imagine two children getting ready for school who need to have a snack, I say how about you guys take some cookies. So after everyone agrees on cookies i bag up 5 for each kid,at this point jason has noticed that there is now only 2 cookies left which apparently makes him so angry he then throws the 2 cookies on the ground.Now cue the clean up crew a.k.a. layla!!! who proceeds to eat said 2 cookies,which in turn throws jason into meltdown mode complete with coughing and choking and yes he starts hitting me with the empty box. let's fast forward 15 mins later after tantrum is done and he is calmed down so I think because he was sitting quietly watching law and order(his fav show) when out of no where he gets up and grabs his chainsaw chasing layla saying you eat my cookies you motherfucker.he puts down the chainsaw and gets the empty box and begins to hit her. Now he is in time out again...
So kids are off to school,babies arrive,parents are gone,toys are now everywhere,it is time to get caveman dressed.this now becomes another meltdown situation since he wants to wear a muscle shirt in 40 degree weather and this is where I have find out he has learned to put some news words together.....jesus christ motherfucker you suck. "dude are you serious right now?!!!" dead ass he says oh I am so proud. I guess he has better hearing than I thought.my 19 yo daughter is the one who told me that the motherfucker is my fault I really didnt think I said it that much but I guess I was wrong, shame on me I guess I will have to watch that from now on.oh and did I mention he now "smokes"so now he is walking around with a crayon "smoking" and swearing this is just perfect.(sigh)
Oh and there is a baby royal rumble happening in my living room as we speak, my niece has decided she is the boss and controls the toys and the other two babies can only have what she gives them ....she is 1 yo ....watch out mom!!!
jason is gone for the day so no smoking and swearing going on now
baby is still laughing
riley is poking juniors eyes out
and layla is sleeping
and I my friends have lost my mind in the first 2 hours of the day

And the word of the day is..........motherf**ker

OMG!!! jason has learned a new word....motherf**cker...SMH I can't even take it. so we all know how this goes when a child learns a new word everything is that..baby is a motherf**ker , the dog , the fridge , his toys , the wood stove and the list goes on so now I am telling him don't say that jason that's a bad word he looks at me and says no mommy good word motherf**ker. this is so going to be a long day.so now to top it all off after I have learned of his new word he has want and don't want confused..mommy me don't want eggs ...me ok then..5 mins later me don't want eggs ...ok I heard you the first time...5 mins later me dont want eggs motherf**ker ...excuse me jason!!! ME DONT WANT EGGS!!!! do you want me to make you eggs? yes ....me don't want eggs. ugh somebody shoot me now lol...thank god now he's "going to work"..so I ask him to pick up the toys to which he turns and looks at the baby and says pick up toys baby motherf**ker. I really want to laugh but parenting kicks in and I have to yell stop saying that..sometimes it is so hard being a parent. if I had my own reality show people would think it was scripted.
baby is still laughing
layla is a motherf**ker
and jason is armed with a hammer
let's think positive thoughts